Have I ever really fallen in love?

And the answer is...no, not really. As I write this, I am saying to myself...why has this question come to my mind, all of a sudden? It's a little embarassing to talk about falling in love at this point in my life but somehow, the events these past few months have made me think about the things I might have missed in my life...and I guess, falling madly deeply crazily in love is on top of that list. It's not that I have not fallen in love...if you can call being seriously infatuated, love. But there was never anyone I wanted to spend the rest of my life with or someone I could break all the rules for or someone who has left me heart broken. Is it because I never met the right person, or never allowed myself to be totally vulnerable or am I just too hard to please and were my standards impossible to begin with? Hmmm...I think being raised to be independent and self-assured, my needs and wants somehow differed from the other girls of my generation. I never gave marriage a serious thought...the usual line, when I get married... was not in my normal vocabulary. Marriage was not a priority in my hierarchy of needs. Now the next question is...does every girl have to get married when they fall in love? For me, that's the general idea...As I matured, I could not envision myself being in a relationship without the goal of marriage in mind so that this became a dilemma for me in forming romantic relationships...as long as I felt I was not ready for a serious relationship, I'd back off. And the reasons had really nothing to do with the man...it's just that marriage was a little far down my list and maintaining a love relationship while I was busy with other things was draining my energy. Then the day came when I thought I was ready but the problem now was that there was no one to fall in love with (my standards became higher) or if there were...they were usually taken , in other words, in committed relationships. Have I ever been offered to enter an illicit relationship? Hahahah! What do you think? I could have if I wanted to...but I did not want to. I am a very conscientious person and I would never be a party to destroy a relationship. But let's talk about this tomorrow because what little experience I have on the matter has resulted in a lot of thought and strong feelings...

And so right now, before time runs out on me, I am working on falling in love, letting myself be less sensible and less afraid, taking steps to be more daring...today, it's baby steps, tomorrow...

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

The "Pwede Na" Mentality...Mediocrity as a Life Principle

#MakeITsafePH - Online Safety For My Pre-Teen And For My Peace of Mind

Love Me Forever, A Parent's Love