Showing posts with label musings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label musings. Show all posts

Tuesday, May 13, 2008


Last May 7, my mom, brother, son and I boarded a plane to Manila for a brief "vacation", if you could call going to the big city that. It was my mom who needed to be there for an annual CWL convention while the rest of us were there only for the ride. The last time my mom traveled to Manila was about 3 years ago and it's been about 4 years ago for my brother and son. At that time, my mom although already suffering from hip osteoarthritis was still quite mobile but lately, it has really been getting more difficult for her to get around and this has become more evident during this latest trip to Manila. Although I see her as growing old, this reality did not seem to be very apparent to me maybe because life in the province is more laid-back, or maybe because I refuse to dwell on the fact that my mom was indeed aging and sooner than later, so will I.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Have I ever really fallen in love?

And the answer, not really. As I write this, I am saying to myself...why has this question come to my mind, all of a sudden? It's a little embarassing to talk about falling in love at this point in my life but somehow, the events these past few months have made me think about the things I might have missed in my life...and I guess, falling madly deeply crazily in love is on top of that list. It's not that I have not fallen in love...if you can call being seriously infatuated, love. But there was never anyone I wanted to spend the rest of my life with or someone I could break all the rules for or someone who has left me heart broken. Is it because I never met the right person, or never allowed myself to be totally vulnerable or am I just too hard to please and were my standards impossible to begin with? Hmmm...I think being raised to be independent and self-assured, my needs and wants somehow differed from the other girls of my generation. I never gave marriage a serious thought...the usual line, when I get married... was not in my normal vocabulary. Marriage was not a priority in my hierarchy of needs. Now the next question is...does every girl have to get married when they fall in love? For me, that's the general idea...As I matured, I could not envision myself being in a relationship without the goal of marriage in mind so that this became a dilemma for me in forming romantic long as I felt I was not ready for a serious relationship, I'd back off. And the reasons had really nothing to do with the's just that marriage was a little far down my list and maintaining a love relationship while I was busy with other things was draining my energy. Then the day came when I thought I was ready but the problem now was that there was no one to fall in love with (my standards became higher) or if there were...they were usually taken , in other words, in committed relationships. Have I ever been offered to enter an illicit relationship? Hahahah! What do you think? I could have if I wanted to...but I did not want to. I am a very conscientious person and I would never be a party to destroy a relationship. But let's talk about this tomorrow because what little experience I have on the matter has resulted in a lot of thought and strong feelings...

And so right now, before time runs out on me, I am working on falling in love, letting myself be less sensible and less afraid, taking steps to be more, it's baby steps, tomorrow...

Friday, August 10, 2007

Maya Angelou's thoughts on growing older

In April, Maya Angelou was interviewed by Oprah on her 70+ birthday.

Oprah asked her what she thought of growing older.

And, there on television, she said it was "exciting." Regarding body changes, she said there were many, occurring every her breasts. They seem to be in a race to see which will reach her waist, first.

The audience laughed so hard they cried. She is such a simple and honest woman, with so much wisdom in her words!

Maya Angelou said this:

"I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow."

"I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights."

"I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life."

"I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as "making a life."

"I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance."

"I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw some things back."

"I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision."

"I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one."

"I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back."

"I've learned that I still have a lot to learn."

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."!

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Life is short

"Life is short"...this is a statement that I never really gave serious thought before until last weekend when I watched this TV drama and one of the male characters kept on saying this to convince the leading lady that she should not hesitate to take risks especially when it comes to love because life is short... unfortunately, she did not agree with him but instead kept saying, "no, life is long" and so that made the drama more complicated. What struck me was the fact that it never occurred to me before that people should take more chances and not be afraid of failure because life is short. I have always believed that because life is short, we should be responsible and rational and make less mistakes. I never thought of it the other way around...I guess, ignorance is bliss because up until now, I have looked at my life with little regret, precisely because I am a sensible person. I am not a purposeful person or someone who always thinks before she acts but, I am not reckless or impetuous either. I consider myself as somewhere in-between, instinctive, passionate when principles or ideals are involved. But on most days, I am a "responsible" adult leading my life in very logical way minimizing risks and avoiding regrets...or so I led myself to believe because as I approach mid-life, I reflect on the hits and misses in my life and I realize that indeed,"life is short" be really honest about it there are a few things that I really really wanted to do but didn't because it wasn't the right thing to do. So now, I have made another list, this time of things I should do before it's really too late...

1. learn to ride a motorcycle
2. dance ballet again
3. stop being afraid of riding a bicycle
4. practice and improve my guitar skills and play in public
5. sing professionally
6. wear a bikini
7. go on a date with a younger man
8. attend a rock concert
9. start doing all the things in this list as well as the other lists I have made this year...
10. and finally, fall in love and not be afraid to say it and make a commitment...okay, maybe not as drastic as forever...but something...anything, rather than being too afraid and then thinking about the what ifs...

Friday, July 06, 2007

what do I miss in Manila?

I was in Manila for 3 days where I attended a convention/reunion with my fellow graduates of HLMP. It was good to see them and a needed break for me to get away from the pressures of work. One of the activities lined up was to watch 2 plays in the CCP, Palanca in my Mind and Hubad, both of which I thoroughly enjoyed. In retrospect, these are the things I miss most living in the province...the diverse cultural events, the bars and the bands, bookstores (although now, we do have NBS in the province), Mark and Spencers...what I do not miss is the traffic, smog, pollution, the floods, the noise and all the other unneccesary trappings of an urban lifestyle. Of course, what I need most when I do go plenty of money...but that's another story :)

Thursday, June 14, 2007

arrested development

as I was thinking on what to title this post, I remembered the TV series, Arrested Development and I sort of thought that it was apt for this entry since I am talking about having a childlike mind in an adult body. Of course, my mental health status is not anywhere near the characters in this series but I do have my "moments" ;) For instance, My 16 year old son says that I am totally so different from his friends' moms, although when the occasion calls for it, I do get into my mommy mode. Most of the time though, he thinks I'm cool! I never thought about it before but I think the reason why aside from being his mom, I'm also his friend is because I remember how it was to be young...

Friday, June 01, 2007

On True Sexiness...

The MSN article "The Sexiest Women Over 35" says that true sexiness is molded from the heat of experience and that a woman with no redeeming social value might be "hot" (*cough* Paris Hilton), but she'll never be truly sexy. When I read this article, a light bulb went on in my head...a eureka moment. Now I sort of understand why some people would say that I am "beautiful", "sexy"...words that puzzle me because I don't remember being told these when I was younger...the nearest thing perhaps was "pretty" but beautiful...nah, never...and sexy? bwahahahaha! Seriously though, if I really think about it, I do look better, feel better now than when I was in my 20's and 30's. The article describes Diane Lane, one of my favorite actresses (Must Love Dogs)as classy, stunning and seems to be improving with age, a key indicator of true sexiness. So gaining status, wisdom, emotional security all adds up to sexiness? Hmmm yes, I like that :)

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

When things go wrong...and The Mystery of the Missing Cellphone

I am not superstitious but when a day like yesterday happens, when one bad thing happens one after the other...then, I start thinking that negative forces in my immediate universe is working in an optimal pace. My tuesday started uneventful enough...I woke up late, as usual. The Ms. Universe 2007 was being shown live on cable TV and so I did not bring my Mom to her CWL seminar. A few minutes later, we got a call from her saying that she must have left her folder full of seminar materials in the tricycle (a motorcycle with a covered sidecar that serves as the main transport in most provincial towns and small cities) that she rode going there but she was not able to get it's number. So the househelp had to go chasing after similar looking tricycles which more or less comprises 80% of all tricycles plying the city route. The Ms. U would not have interested me anymore since the Philippines did not make the cut...but Korea did and being a true fan of Korean cinema and dramas...I decided to continue watching. Japan Won (Korea was 3rd runner up)...although not as beautiful as Korea and Brazil...she was very natural and projected well. I then had to run to where my mother was because the president of the club asked me to attend their luncheon because they were honoring the May birthday celebrants and family members were requested to be give a bouquet which should be kept Mom's birthday was long over (May 1) and I was not exactly eager to participate. But since I love my Mom and even though she would look at this as something unnecessary, I could not allow that she doesn't have family around to give her her bouquet. Now, my plan was to let my son, Ramie do the honors...but he has about my brother, Teddy, but then I had to go and pick him short of asking Boxer (our beloved Japanese Spitz), I knew that there was no one else who has to So off I went at exactly 11:30 (they said to be on time) but I had to endure 30 minutes of sitting in a room because they had not finished their morning session and I had to keep out of sight. But then, I was the only relative they decided to just ask me to join them for lunch first...hmmmm now where did the element of surprise go? I finally got to work at 12:20 only to find that all phones except one were dead, so I could not get on-line. But then I got a call from home (from the only working one in the office). It was Ramie asking me if I had his cellphone...huh?...seems that he left it at home and now it's lost....and since he left it on silent mode there was no way for us to locate it by calling....argh!!! And to just about even out the score...I passed by the mall to buy coffee and somewhere along the path I took to I lost the cover of the USB port of my one week old MP3 hanging on my neck...sob, sniff...wahhhhhh! I searched and searched...literally bending under the aisles...but nada (head shaking)...a mouse or a rat probably has it by now. I'm so sad....BUT, I then realized that maybe...yesterday's series of unfortunate events was a way of preventing more serious things from know, I'd rather lose things than lose someone...or get sick or have an accident. I mean, why waste time feeling bad about things that are so replaceable...I wouldn't. I'd probably get annoyed for about half an hour...tops and then find humor in it.

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