Showing posts with label failed marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label failed marriage. Show all posts

Sunday, November 28, 2010

What About The Children?

When we get married, the next logical thing that happens are the coming of the children.  But when a marriage fails, what happens to the children?  Often times couples forget that the failure of a marriage does not only involve the two of them but largely affects the children. It cannot be denied that the family is vital in the development of children.  I do not think I would be the person that I am if my parents did not prioritize family, specifically their kids. We knew our parents had problems in their marriage but they never made us afraid that our family will fall apart...we were raised secure, comforted by their love and devotion. Yes, it may sound selfish but when you are a child, your parents and family is the only world you know of.  This is why parenthood is such a big sacrifice albeit, a fruitful and joyful one.  So, even if the marriage can't be saved, the children should always remain the priority of the couple. The children should be made to feel they are number one in their parent's lives, and in the eventuality that the parents find new partners then they should be truthful to the children without taking away that sense of love and security. When other half-siblings are born, the children of the first marriage should never be relegated to the background.  I have half-siblings from my father's extra-marital affairs whom he never acknowledged.  They had to wait for his death to be recognized. I do understand that they long for the love that they never received from my dad. Still, I am grateful that my father protected us from his indiscretions and never took away time and resources from us.  It is unfortunate that his illegitimate children had very little time with him when he was alive but then they they were never part of my father's plan in life...they just, happened...calling them an accident may be harsh, but that's the truth. And their mothers are people I would rather not have anything to do with because for me, they are more to blame. These women knew very well that my father already had a family but they still willingly began a relationship with him and even if they thought otherwise, they should have ended it when they realized that for my father, they will always be the other woman. But they didn't and continued the illicit relationship even begetting children without any thought of consequences. My mother stayed with my father knowing all these because of us, her children...and for that I will be forever grateful.   Still, these are my father's children and at present, I do have a semblance of relationship with my half-siblings and I am very happy that they are doing well with their lives in spite of the circumstances of their birth. My mom always say that the children are the innocent victims and in fact, has accepted their presence in our lives more easily than I had, to the point that she even helped send them to school. But I know how much hurt my father gave my Mom and on my part I want to spare her the memory of this hurt by keeping our physical contact with my half siblings to a minimum. I know they want to be recognized, however in order for me to accept them openly, they should put away the lies and illusions told to them and accept the truth about our father, their mothers and about their birth.  Yes, these may be brutal but it's the only way we can have an honest relationship with each other.

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