Wednesday, March 07, 2012

Regrets

A friend told me the other day that she resigned from her good-paying government job but will be starting work with a private corporation soon although with lesser salary, but that did not matter.  She explained that after more than 10 years, she has reached the maximum level of where she wants to be in that organization and it was time to move on to more exciting things.  I was happy for her.  As someone who also worked for government almost all of my entire adult life, I thought she was very brave to take a step outside the box. Her decision once again reminded me of how I wished I had that courage to do the same during those times in my life when I wanted to opt out from government service too.  But I thought too much about the years and the money I have invested for my retirement that I couldn't risk changing jobs in mid-life. Oh well, that dilemma has been decided for me when I was suddenly dismissed from my job late last year.

I have never been the type to dwell on the what ifs, and if ever I had regrets in my life, they were too few to mention.  But, putting off my angst as another mid-life crisis and not recognizing it for what it was...a burn-out, is my greatest regret today.  I should have retired when all the goals I set out for myself and for the hospital have been achieved. That was in 2007. 


Instead however, I blinked.  I thought I was only a few more years from retirement age and so even if I was tired and stressed out most of the time, I convinced myself I was happy.  I regret not trusting my instinct and for not daring to move out of my comfort zone.  Still not everything is regretful.  Being fired at this point in my life means I can actually do the things I have long wanted to do but couldn't because of work responsibilities.  Now I can have more subjects to teach, do volunteer work for my diocese at any given time, spend lazy times with my kids and family, drive for my mom every time she needs to go out, get to write and update my blogs regularly, finally read all my unread books, do crochet, live a simpler life, stop using my credit cards and so much, much more.  And although I did say I had very few regrets in my life, I will make a list and try to do or undo them while I still can...and then I can really say...no regrets!



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