Thursday, October 13, 2011

Another Adoption Story - How I Told My Son

There are many suggested methods on how to tell a child about his adoption.  Based on others and our own family experiences, it is a proven fact that not telling a child about his adoption brought about dire consequences for everyone involved especially if the truth is found out from people other than parents. In the case of my aunt, she found out when she was already 10 years old  from well-intentioned relatives who wanted to help her parents resolve her habitual lying when she got caught doing something she shouldn't, like playing hookey from school, for example. Needless to say that was the start of her years of rebellion.  I heard other "horror" stories so when the time comes, although I never really thought about it, I knew that I will tell my child the truth.  My turn came around the time when my son was around 4 years old when out of the blue while playing in my bed, he reached out to my stomach and said..."I came from here".  My initial reaction was to say, "no sweetie, you came from mommy's heart"...but my son, gave me a look and vehemently said...NO! I came from your tummy! That's when I realized, it would not be as simple as I thought.  So I sat up, faced him and said, "No my love, you did not come from mommy's tummy...you know what, let me tell you a story..."

"One day, Jesus was walking in heaven's garden and he saw that mommy was sad and alone. And so Jesus was worried and thought, what can he do to make mommy happy?  As Jesus was walking around Heaven, he suddenly had an idea..."I will send mommy a baby to love and make her own...oh, but how can I do this because mommy is not young anymore to have babies in her tummy (well, I was in my early 30's)? I know!, Jesus said, "mama will be the baby carriage, she will carry the baby for mommy!"  Now who among the little baby angels in heaven wants to be mommy's baby?  As Jesus was thinking aloud about this, he saw a little hand waving and waving...it was Angel Ramie! he wants to be mommy's baby!  So Jesus asked mama to carry Ramie in her tummy and when it was time to be born, mommy was there to receive her baby and was very happy and grateful to Jesus for giving her Ramie and making her his mommy."   


My little boy's facial expression was beaming...his smile was from ear to ear and that was I think one of the most blessed days in my life.  I could actually feel God's presence in the room while I was telling the story.  After that, all other things were easy to explain.  I think the fact that he knows he came from God made everything else immaterial and unimportant.  My son took things in a matter-of-fact way...he calls my brother "papa", my cousin, "daddy", our mechanic, "tatay" (which is the Pilipino term for dad) and when people asked why he has so many fathers, he would roll his eyes and say..."just because".  He was quite proud of the fact that compared to others he had more than one father.  The down side is that when people asked him why he has 2 mothers...he says " because that one is too old to carry me in her tummy".  Hahahahah!  My son will be 21 in less than a month's time and motherhood has been a rollercoaster ride all the way...fun but terrifying at times too.  Thank you Jesus for the gift of motherhood.

Retrieved from www.zazzle.com


29 comments:

  1. This topic was your advantage among other blogs out there. This blog contains and provide definitely unique ideas and information.

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  2. @International Adoption Agencies: Thank you for your affirmation.

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  3. This topic was your advantage among other blogs out there. This blog contains and provide definitely unique ideas and information.

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  4. This was a good way to bring up the idea of adoption yet not have the kid harbor resentment as he grow up. He did grow up to be a good son.

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  5. This is a great story. I guess it's really challenging finding the right way to break it to your child that s/he is adopted. You have put it very well. :)

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  6. That was an excellent way to explain a child these kind of (probably) hurtful true story... Along the way he should be able to grow up well and understand the situation without rebellion alongside. You're a good mom I must say.

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  7. Oh how sweet :) You did a wonderful job of telling him that he was loved and heaven-sent and adopted :) He's turning 21? Wow :)

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  8. You did a great job of telling your son that he is adopted and heaven-sent and loved :) I bet he didn't have to feel like he has to be a rebel and vie for your attention :)

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  9. This is really an emotional topic to tell to your adopted son but you did a good job of telling him that he is adopted.

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  10. I admire you for how you were able to did it with flying colors. You were able to do a wonderful job just like Papa Jesus up there for giving you a son.

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  11. Good thing that it didn't turn out much dramatically or horrifying like those ones in the movies or series on TV.

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  12. Hats off to you for having the courage to tell your little boy about it. I wish you all the best in raising him :)

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  13. This is really a wonderful story. My cousin had the opposite experience with her adopted twins. Now in their mid teens giving her headaches and heartaches yet still my cousin continue to love and showed love to them. Yes sometimes the price of motherhood is not the way you liked it but my cousin remained a loving mother to the twins.

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    1. That is sad, Ricky. It must hurt her so much. My Lola also had a love-hate relationship with my youngest aunt but in the end, when my aunt was older (and wiser) she understood that her adoptive mother is the only real mother she will ever have. I will keep your cousin in my prayers.

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  14. oh that was funny, " why he has 2 mothers...he says " because that one is too old to carry me in her tummy". Your son grew up to be a fine man, you are a great mother. Ramie was right to chose you. I love this post.

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    1. thanks Tess! He has graduated from college last October and is now working :)

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  15. You were certainly blessed that day with God's inspiration to have such a meaningful explanation of adoption which a child can understand.

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  16. "One is too old to carry him in the tummy"

    That's so funny! Good thing that it was easy for you. I had an adopted cousin and it was a little hard to keep the secret away from her (everybody knows except her!) and I think that it would really help if you tell the adopted child about the truth as early as possible.

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  17. This is such a sensitive one and i thank you for sharing this. There is no better way to tell a kid he's adopted, but you actually did enlighten him in some ways.

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  18. I can relate to him in the sense of having three mothers and an uncle called as papa. Though my story is different hehe.

    I know from that moment you told him, he loves you more :)

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  19. Wow, now I know how to tell a kid about his/her adoption. This post is really helpful. :)

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  20. Adopted children deserve the truth and I understand how hard it must've been when you told him that. My mom is a social worker and I've heard a lot of stories (good and bad) when children learn they're adopted. I'm glad your child took it positively. :)

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  21. a very heartwarming stories.. I do hope that all parents who adopts will have an easy way of dealing it and telling it to the kid.

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  22. This post make me realized that I am also on my early 30s and why not consider to have an adoption. If only my husband would allow.

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    1. Sarah, good luck! It took a long time for my cousin and his wife to adopt but when they did it was sheer joy for them. When the time is ripe, you and your hubby will know.

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  23. Very loving and kind explanation. What is important is the true love and affection that a mommy can give even if the child is adopted.

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  24. Ramie felt loved and secure with your love, that's why he grew up loving you back even though he's adopted. You're blessed with a very intelligent son who acknowledged the fact that he's from God.

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