Life, Day by Day

I became a mom in February 1991, the month my father died. I did not plan on motherhood, not for lack of a maternal instinct but mainly because I was already in my 30's with no relationship that was serious enough for marriage...yes, I believe that children should be born out of love and marriage. At a time when my family was experiencing a strong sense of loss, this 3 month old baby boy came into our lives. He brought laughter when we found very little reason to do so. His presence at home made us forget our sadness and we all began focusing our attention on him. Before long, I was spending more time with him than any other aspect in my life...even my work and friends. In fact, this was the year I started being late for work almost everyday because I was putting him first before anything else. In other words, I fell in love. He was God's gift to me and he made me a mother before it was too late. Two days from now, on November 3, 2008, this baby turns 18. Looking back, he...

The Wish... Two years ago I celebrated a milestone and one of my fondest wish was to be gifted a yellow labrador. I started sending out hints to my guests-to-be...but they all ignored me, for the simple reason that these dogs were too expensive for their wallets. The argument was...if I was not willing to part with my hard-earned money to buy one...why should they? But...but...it was my birthday! Anyway, I didn't get it...until... The Better Late than Never Gift... Last Sunday, 2 years, 5 months and several days after that all important birthday, my son's friend casually mentioned that he was giving away 2 more puppies of his yellow lab. Now, imagine me looking disinterested but deep inside my heart was pounding with excitement saying to my son... why don't you get one ? And his friend said he can give us one if we want it...before my son could say anything, I said with a big grin... we'll pick it up tomorrow . The next day, after my meetings in Bacolod, I went s...

My parents had 3 children, 2 sons and a daughter, but only one got married...the oldest son, my younger brother. He has 2 children from this marriage, a boy and a girl. This marriage was doomed from the start and eventually ended. The kids are now 14 and 11 respectively and are really bright and gifted...their parents are so lucky to have them. Unfortunately both my brother and his ex-wife are the kind of people who should never have children. Why? Well, because in their hierarchy of needs, their number one priority is themselves. Their needs, wants and activities come first before their children or everything else for that matter and so, my nephew and niece do not experience the kind of nurturing that growing children should have. Today was the beginning salvo of my nephew's high school intramurals. He was participating in the cheerdance contest and I found out yesterday that none of his parents will be watching him perform. The reason? His dad couldn't get off from wor...

By now, I should have learned that phrase by heart...God knows I have said it to myself a hundred...no, a thousand times for years now. But somehow I never quite got it. So many things still disappoint me...People most especially. I don't know if it's me...or them. Maybe I expect too much, hope too much or I'm just a person who is very hard to please. I know that to a lot of people I may come across as a "difficult" person...because I follow certain standards that are different from theirs. I used to wonder if my standards were too high or hard to do...and someone told me, not really...it's just that they are different. Through the years, I believe I have mellowed. This does not mean I have lowered my standards, on the contrary I think my standards of behavior, ethics, my idealism etc...have even grown higher and stronger. I still get exasperated and frustrated everyday of my life...I still have the propensity to try to solve every problem that comes to...

After Dr. Seuss, there's Spencer Johnson . I first read...well, scanned actually his book Who Moved My Cheese approximately 2 years ago when this was given as a reading assignment in a seminar where I was one of the facilitators. At that time, I thought it was a cute little story but did not really impress me. Last month I bought a copy and this time gave it a good read and suddenly, what I was reading was making a lot of sense. I guess that what was written in the book was something I needed to hear at this point in my life when I feel that I am at a dead-end, and therefore I need to get moving or else! Not everyone who reads this book the first time will appreciate the message...like me, for example...unless it relates to one's life experience. I finally understood the wisdom of it's message because for the past few years my life's direction has not been going anywhere. I feel like I have been going around in circles day in and day out. This year I had a light ...

Congratulations! Today is your day. You're off to Great Places! You're off and away! You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the guy who'll decide where to go. You'll look up and down streets. Look 'em over with care. About some you will say, "I don't choose to go there." With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet, you're too smart to go down any not-so-good street. And you may not find any you'll want to go down. In that case, of course, you'll head straight out of town. It's opener there in the wide open air. Out there things can happen and frequently do to people as brainy and footsy as you. And when things start to happen, don't worry. Don't stew. Just go right along. You'll start happening too. OH! THE PLACES YOU'LL GO! You'll be...

I got caught in the middle of Typhoon Frank (international codename: Fengshen)...something that I never expected when I left for Bohol via Cebu on a sunny warm Sunday last June 15. I've been caught in storms before but those were the days when I was much younger and energetic, so it was more like an adventure then. This time, I'm older, well rooted in my comfort zones, predictable...and so, it wasn't exactly the kind of adventure one middle age lady would like to find her lonesome self in.

I don't remember doing anything in my entire life just because ...from the time I could remember, everything I did (or at least 99%) had a purpose and a reason. Spontaneity was or is not one of my strong points. I always looked before I leaped...I was the type who would analyze things...in other words, I thought too much. But the funny thing is, I also have an impulsive nature...that's why I don't go shopping in the mall unless I really have to, if you know what I mean. So, does that mean that I'm impulsive but not spontaneous? Is there a difference? Definitions I've come across say they're the same but I don't think so...I know that I am impulsive in many ways (like shopping when there's a sale) but it's not easy to get me to do things on a whim. I found these definitions on the internet which I feel are more correct... SPONTANEOUS implies lack of prompting and connotes naturalness while IMPULSIVE implies acting under stress of emotion or sp...

Last Saturday, May 31, 2008 was a momentous day in my son Ramie's life. After 7 years of training in Taekwondo, he has finally earned his Black Belt, 1st Dan. He had trained hard the whole summer and with some help from me completed his thesis requirement on time(earning for me about 5% of his black belt). The anticipation was high during the past week but he never showed that he was nervous even during the promotion date (although, afterwards he said he was actually very nervous). We left the house at about 1:30 PM and I dropped him off at the La Salle covered court where the promotion tests will be held. The whole process for the black belt involves demonstrations of all forms learned from yellow to high brown belt, a sparring session with 2 black belts and the braking of boards and blocks. There was also a welcoming ceremony which I had no idea about. I was the nervous one and was not really keen to watch the sparring because Ramie warned me that it could be scary. But even ...

Last May 7, my mom, brother, son and I boarded a plane to Manila for a brief "vacation", if you could call going to the big city that. It was my mom who needed to be there for an annual CWL convention while the rest of us were there only for the ride. The last time my mom traveled to Manila was about 3 years ago and it's been about 4 years ago for my brother and son. At that time, my mom although already suffering from hip osteoarthritis was still quite mobile but lately, it has really been getting more difficult for her to get around and this has become more evident during this latest trip to Manila. Although I see her as growing old, this reality did not seem to be very apparent to me maybe because life in the province is more laid-back, or maybe because I refuse to dwell on the fact that my mom was indeed aging and sooner than later, so will I.

Yesterday, March 7, the pilgrim relic of St Therese of the Child Jesus was schedule to pass by our small city on it's way to the airport going to Manila. The last time the relic came to the Philippines was in 2000 and I remember lining up with my Mom, brother, son, our house helpers in the Carmelite Monastery Chapel in Bacolod City where it was placed for public veneration. We were among the thousands who lined up then. This time, when the relic arrived we did not have a chance to visit because we had so many appointments and in fact, my mom said that everyone in Bacolod was in the Carmelite's except us. So the next best thing was just to line up in church to watch it pass by in motorcade on it's way to the airport. I woke up early and drove my Mom to the church, and on our way we saw children lining the streets carrying the diocesan flags and flowers also waiting for the motorcade. Upon reaching the church, I wondered aloud...why are the people inside, will the relic ...

A few days ago, I was talking to some people I just met at a dinner party about my career and how I got to be where I am now. I said something about not really wanting to be a doctor but somehow as I plodded on in my studies, it was too late to change my mind. And then I talked about getting my MBA and being in my present job and so, one of them asked me if I was happy now...and I laughed and said, not really and that was when someone said...so what do you want to be when you grow up. That comment although jokingly said, hit close to home...the realization that I am still a work in progress...that inspite of being middle-aged, it is still not very clear to me what I really want in my life. I have said this years ago and until now I keep on repeating myself... that I know what I don't want...what I still don't know is what I do want . I envy people who dare take risks to go after what they want in life. I continue to see my life as one that is so predictable, so conscientiou...

From the moment I registered on Facebook , I knew that this was the site for me...not Friendster, not MySpace, not Multiply, not whatever else is there. It's not a perfect site but it has something for everyone whatever their age, sexual orientation, religion, etc. It's a place where one can interact with people and here, I found it easier to keep in touch with friends that just e-mailing them. Facebook has helped me keep up with what my friends are doing without necessarily talking to them. There's an article I found about how to use Facebook professionally and the best thing is that it's a lot of fun! Right now I have 110 people on my friends list, most of whom I know personally but a few random friends who I think are really nice people. I've had 3 or 4 people who have removed me from their friend list and I think that's rude because I would never remove anyone but then, that's me. Still, people who do that are not really someone who I'd like to ...

January 2008 is halfway over and I have spent most of the first 2 weeks of the year doing, thinking, planning NOTHING. Somehow I could not bring myself to focus on anything. Not that there is nothing to focus on, on the contrary, there are so many things to do...so much more important that what I am wasting my time on. There are issues to face, conflicts to resolve, problems to work out, finances to manage, meetings to attend to...in other words, RESPONSIBILITIES that I have to face sooner than later. But, everyday I wake up not wanting to do anything constructive. Well, I have always been a procrastinator but this time...I just can't get my energy and concentration up. It's like...what am I doing all this for...why am I doing this? And the answers I get do not excite me at all because they are reasons that tell me because I have to...not because I want to... But, if I continue being like this and January 2008 ends with me still sleepwalking, I'm afraid that I might n...