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Showing posts with the label Family

A Secret Revealed

If there is one thing I learned about secrets is that life always finds a way of revealing them sooner or later.  Well, this one is the later kind.  But before I begin, I want to say that this is not my story, however reading John Silva's 2008 article "Lost and Found " in Starweek ( also found here ) about being reunited with a lost sister, I felt inspired and thought, why not?  This story, like John's has a happy ending  too. Of course, no real names will be mentioned to protect the privacy of the family.  This story began in the 50's when a young woman while taking further studies in the States met a young widower who was then doing the same thing.  They fell in love and planned to get married.  But the young woman's family was vehemently against her relationship with the widower who already had young children.  The couple in spite of family opposition, continued to see each other and the inevitable happened...the woman became pregnant.  After giving birth,

Coming Back to Boracay

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The first time I went to Boracay was in the year 2000.  My cousins living in Davao (then) and Manila were all going to meet up there for the Holy Week and we (my mom, brother, son) decided to come along to celebrate my birthday there as well.  We stayed at Marzon's in station 3 while my cousins stayed at Tirol & Tirol in station 2.  It was a good thing that we did because the resort was only a few steps to the beach, it was clean with friendly and accommodating staff and above all quiet since it was far from the noise of bars playing loud music and party atmosphere in station 2.  We stayed for 2 nights and 3 days and although we enjoyed the beautiful beach, the company and the resort...fact is, Boracay is the worst place to be on Holy Week and so, I swore never to come back at this time of year.   Then come 2011...my mom wanted to spend family time with the kids before summer vacation ends, as my nephew was going to Manila for college.  The initial plan was for all of us to b

The Last 10 Years....

I thought I would blog about the last 10 years (2000-2010) when Y2K started and then, I realized my impending age-related short term memory loss has already began.  Somehow, I have to rack my brain to remember what the last 10 years of my life has been all about... Okay, before I do that let's me just state that Y2K brought about a lot of changes in my life...some good, some not so good, and yes, some great ones too...but what exactly in particular???  I guess, it's this over all good feeling I get when I think about the last 10 years that makes me say so. Does everyone remember the " panic " the year 2000 brought about?  It was mainly about computer glitches but people brought it to an apocalyptic level .  I remember thinking it's just another day folks !  Well, I think I did prepare some candles, just in case ;-)  Anyway, of course nothing major happened and the world survived for the next 10 years.  On a personal level, I had more or less gotten over m

Finding Family This Christmas

Christmas when I was a child was all about tradition...the family gatherings at my grandparents whether in Manila or in Silay, the "you have to go to sleep or Santa won't come" threat after dinner, the opening of gifts and noche buena at midnight, the Christmas morning breakfast and mass, and luncheon with all the other relatives and extended families.  After my maternal grandfather died, my maternal grandmother soon after moved to Bacolod.  Although Christmas celebrations continued to be traditional, it stayed local...meaning we stopped going to Manila for the holiday season.  Then my uncle (Dad's brother) and paternal grandfather died within a month of each other.  And so, that year because my Dad's side of the family did not want to celebrate in Silay with all the memories of Christmas past, we went to Manila and Christmas Eve was spent in a hotel room near Paco Park and New Year's eve in the boat coming back to Negros. 

What About The Children?

When we get married, the next logical thing that happens are the coming of the children.  But when a marriage fails, what happens to the children?  Often times couples forget that the failure of a marriage does not only involve the two of them but largely affects the children. It cannot be denied that the family is vital in the development of children.  I do not think I would be the person that I am if my parents did not prioritize family, specifically their kids. We knew our parents had problems in their marriage but they never made us afraid that our family will fall apart...we were raised secure, comforted by their love and devotion. Yes, it may sound selfish but when you are a child, your parents and family is the only world you know of.  This is why parenthood is such a big sacrifice albeit, a fruitful and joyful one.  So, even if the marriage can't be saved, the children should always remain the priority of the couple. The children should be made to feel they a

My Son Is Turning 20 Today...Sniff

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Twenty years ago, my son came into my life as a 3 month old baby a few days after my dad passed away. My Dad had a massive first heart attack and the family was so unprepared for the loss. He attached himself to me before he could even say mama and as soon as he can walk he would follow me around...wherever I was in the house, he would be right there beside me. This little baby boy stole my heart like no man has ever done. He has given me the gift of motherhood and I finally understood what unconditional love looked like. When he was little I would always pray that he would turn out to be a good man...and well...I also hoped he would be tall since his birth mother is a very short person. So, I made him drink liters of milk, gave him growth vitamins and made him sleep early. When he turned 16, he was almost 5 feet 9 and I said to myself...I don't want to be greedy...5'9" is okay Lord. Well, he grew another inch taller...as well as bigger! And so, I begged the Lord..

Defining Family

I looked up the legal definition of a family and this is what I got...and this ...and then this . It only goes to show that today's family is difficult to define because of its diversity primarily due to the many changes it has undergone through the years. In school I was taught that a family consists of a father, a mother and a child.  That teaching continues to this day even when families and family dynamics are no longer as simple as that.  When my son was in Grade 2 in a local Catholic school, his social studies teacher asked them to say something about their families and some of the children gave unusual answers.  She obviously was unprepared (or simply clueless) for what they gave because, not getting the "right" answers, she further explained that a father is the one that made your mother pregnant and a mother is the one who carried you in her tummy! Of course, when he was picked up from school, the first thing my son asked was, "where is my father" and

Learning From The Scandals Of The Distant Past

As I am making more progress on my parents' respective family trees, I am also discovering a lot of family secrets...or maybe they were not really secrets but just got buried in the past.  As I unravel our family histories, I realize that human behavior then was not much different from what it is today. The only difference is that in the past there were clear cut rules on appropriate behavior while in this modern age, what is right and wrong has become relative. The poignant movie The Age of Innocence is a good example of how relationships and it's complications were handled by the middle and upper class in the 19th to the mid 20th century. There was a standard of behavior that put emphasis on importance of family and respect of society. If you fail to observe these, you are banished, exiled or marked as a persona non grata doomed to be set aside and ignored by family and society the rest of your life.  In the past, arranged marriages were common and if you're lucky, you m

It's Getting To Know Your Relatives Time

It's on!  The Eustaquio Lopez Descendants will have a pot luck merienda cena meet and greet gathering on Saturday, November 6, 2010.  Venue will be in Titil's place in Villa Valderrama.  Of course we will be including the one who started it all, Tito Rollie Espina, whose dream is to keep the legacy of Graciano Lopez y Jaena alive among the descendants of the clan.  I am so excited...maybe we can finally get our Lopez genealogy book going...

Family Secrets...and Why The Truth Has To Be Set Free

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I am a relatively honest person...what you see is what you get and I have very few secrets, probably because I am not very good at remembering or keeping one.  On the other hand, I would always tell my friends that if they have something to confide, they should make me promise to keep it a secret and I will honor that promise till the end of time. But what about family secrets ? The kind that everyone wants to forget...those that are considered taboo...those which changed lives...or that which was deemed so humiliating and scandalous that to talk about it will mean banishment! (big grin) Well, I think every family has at least one and family secrets have a way of making themselves known...sooner or later. Why?  Oftentimes, simply because the time has come to tell the real story.  Although I personally believe that family secrets are not subjects for bedtime stories, I also believe that there are those because of their very nature, have been the subject of speculation, hea

Family Linkages

I remember looking at my grandfather's photo albums as a child and wondering who all those people in the pictures were.  My paternal grandfather was a meticulous man and it was this trait that preserved all those family pictures in several albums.  Those albums are in my aunt's keeping and I hope my cousin would finally find the time to digitalize them all because they contain precious and priceless memories.  These photographs are proof of our family roots and can greatly help in validating family connections. I have always been interested in history and genealogy and I am trying to complete our own family tree.  I was able to buy the genealogy books of three families in my paternal line but I missed getting that of my paternal great grandmother's father's genealogy book.  I should get one during the next reunion (although I rarely attend those things).  I enjoy reading through the list of names...awed with the fact that once we were all connected by one set of parents

From Heaven Looking Down at Me...

My Dad would have turned 77 years old today August 25, 2009 except that he passed away 18 years ago. We have celebrated his birthday every year since then by attending mass, visiting his gravesite, offering flowers. It is not often that I would feel his presence and I'd like to believe that this is because he is happy in Heaven. But today, it seems to me that Daddy was making his presence felt in more ways than one. It seems that he knew I needed him because looking back in the events of the past few days, people I needed to aid and encourage me were suddenly there...people whom I rarely see but they were just the right people to help me! It was like I had a special angel looking out for me. Everything was falling into place...I felt so cared for and supported. Serendipity? I don't think so. This is a time in my life when I really need my father to be there for me, to guide and to fight for me...and he came through! He could not be here physically so he sent angels in the

Preemie Girl

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Who is Preemie Girl? Last year, in mid-July, a woman was brought DOA to the emergency room of the provincial hospital. Her severely premature baby miraculously survived but was brought to the hospital 6 or 7 hours after birth. Her mother was previously admitted to the hospital's ICU due to hypertension and was closely monitored for several weeks.  She was relatively in a stable condition and the doctors were waiting for the baby to become more viable before doing a caesarian section, but the family decided to go home.  She eventually delivered at home and died due to severe postpartum bleeding.  The baby developed acute respiratory distress syndrome and was not expected to make it.  Because this was a public hospital with limited resources, she was not getting the kind of care severely premature babies like her should have. Some mothers nursing their own premature babies would give her their milk and help take care of her. Initially I really did not take much interest in he

MY TWO GRANDMOTHERS

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My two grandmothers were as different from each other as oil and water.  Lola Rizing@age 40 My paternal grandmother Rizalina Javelona Lopez , died at age 91...a pretty long life. We had our share of long conversations which consisted mostly of her memories and how she would have lived her life if she had the chance to do it all over again. She told me stories no one in the family knew. I am very privileged to share a few of her secrets. Her husband and eventually her children too, looked upon her as a very dependent person, and thus treated her like a child. But the Lola Rizing I knew was someone who was not an intellectual or highly educated, but was very insightful and extremely wise in her old age...someone who outwardly manifested a soft character but inside was a strong, self-sacrificing woman who would do anything for the children and grandchildren she loved. Her opinions did not matter much to her husband so she learned to keep it to herself, deferring to him at all t

MY SON IS 18

I became a mom in February 1991, the month my father died. I did not plan on motherhood, not for lack of a maternal instinct but mainly because I was already in my 30's with no relationship that was serious enough for marriage...yes, I believe that children should be born out of love and marriage. At a time when my family was experiencing a strong sense of loss, this 3 month old baby boy came into our lives. He brought laughter when we found very little reason to do so. His presence at home made us forget our sadness and we all began focusing our attention on him. Before long, I was spending more time with him than any other aspect in my life...even my work and friends. In fact, this was the year I started being late for work almost everyday because I was putting him first before anything else. In other words, I fell in love. He was God's gift to me and he made me a mother before it was too late. Two days from now, on November 3, 2008, this baby turns 18. Looking back, he

FAMILY BONDING

My parents had 3 children, 2 sons and a daughter, but only one got married...the oldest son, my younger brother. He has 2 children from this marriage, a boy and a girl. This marriage was doomed from the start and eventually ended. The kids are now 14 and 11 respectively and are really bright and gifted...their parents are so lucky to have them. Unfortunately both my brother and his ex-wife are the kind of people who should never have children. Why? Well, because in their hierarchy of needs, their number one priority is themselves. Their needs, wants and activities come first before their children or everything else for that matter and so, my nephew and niece do not experience the kind of nurturing that growing children should have. Today was the beginning salvo of my nephew's high school intramurals. He was participating in the cheerdance contest and I found out yesterday that none of his parents will be watching him perform. The reason? His dad couldn't get off from wor

The Meaning of Christmas

Today is Christmas Day ...a few more hours and it will be a day of the past. I went to hear mass at 11 AM, having overslept after our noche buena celebration which ended at about 2 AM. As I listened to the sermon, the words of the priest struck a note because he talked about something which I needed to hear.

Renewing Family Ties...

The last time I saw them was in 1984 just before they left to immigrate in the US with their parents. They were children then and so much has happened and changed since then. Last week, they came to visit...our US based first cousins, children of my mom's youngest brother. They came with their mother, my uncle's first wife and also, the 4 year old daughter of my cousin, the first grandchild in their family. It was good to see them all grown up and leading relatively responsible lives. It would have been really wonderful if their dad was with them but, he passed away 2 years ago and part of his ashes is buried here with his parents. But, like what his daughter said, she was sure that their papa was with them in spirit and happy to see them connecting with his family here. I think so too...and my mom after we brought them to the airport and saw them off...said aloud, " Raul, are you happy now? "

family reunion, losing my voice and a car airconditioner that does not cool

Family reunions were never a big deal for me since I really could just barely stand spending time and talking with some of my closest blood relatives (mostly on my dad's side)...don't get me wrong, I care about all of them and in fact, a few are my best friends but there is a bunch that I really have nothing in common with and have a totally different value system so that being around them makes reunions a path to sanctification for me ;) But with the death of the two in-laws (all on my mother's side), family get-togethers were the norm for the past two weeks and I found myself going from one relative to another for lunch or dinner. I have not seen some of these relatives for a long time, others arrived from Canada or the U.S. so that even though I was not one to initiate a reunion, it is during occasions like these that I am more conscious of the importance of family ties especially for those of us who are now in our mid-life. Most families lose touch with their cousins a

The Kids In My Life

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I have been so busy...with work, work, work...then some more work. I guess you are now picturing one very harassed woman. Truth is...you're probably right. But I don't let it get to me...it's just one of those months where everything is happening all together. It's no big deal. Really. Okay, so now where was I the last time?...Oh yes, I was talking about the kids in my life. When I reached 30, I used to wonder if I would ever settle down and marry or if not, then what would my life be when I grow old. Now I know. I have 3 wonderful kids in my life, my adopted son, my nephew and niece, whom I adore and who adores me back. Where are the parents, one might ask? Well, my son knows his birth mother and my nephew and niece live with their father but it is me, their "Nanang" whom they consider "mom". I used to say I did not want children because I had no patience for them. Oh sure, they were fun to be around with, but not all the time. Then my